


Regret, Confession and Promise

by ZodiacRiver



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confession, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8358463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZodiacRiver/pseuds/ZodiacRiver
Summary: Hitoka still has time to avoid regret that has been behind her back all this time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yes that's right friends, I decided to write again.

There are two things in life that create the greatest regret: the things you never did and the moments you never not cherished.  
  
Regret is not a trivial emotion like happiness or sadness. It’s a feeling that stays with you for the rest of your life. It breaks and shatters. Regret is a burden. It is what cuts red strings and leaves you in limbo at three in the morning; it is what pushes you down the endless chasm and holds you in its suffocating chest. Humans are weak; we are all fragile and vulnerable enough for regret to embrace us.  
  
_'Why didn’t I do this earlier when I had the chance to?’ ‘Why didn’t I have fun with my friends when they were still with me?’_ no matter how many questions one would raise, nothing will change the fact that time couldn’t move reversely.  
  
Hitoka still has time. She can't say that she has plenty; but she has two days in her hands. That should be enough for her. But of course, human nature is always greedy for _more_. She needs more, more, and more. She can’t help it after all; she is too agitated and nervous to do what she has yearned to do for a long time.  
  
She knows very well that she wouldn’t let regret overcome her. She doesn't want everything to be too late for her. She has an unreasonable amount of regret already. She doesn’t want to add another one onto the pile. _‘I am not brave at all for this. I should just give it up already,’_ she repeats the sentence in her head everyday like a mantra, but with each day approaching, she feels the strong urge to stay on the ground and hold tight on her wish.  
  
Without even realising, a small amount of regret has crept up her mind. She used to have months; and now she has less than a week.  
  
She had met her months ago. Kiyoko was a beauty; more beautiful than any other girls she had ever seen. At least, that was what she feels. Seeing her is enough to make her red from ear to ear. Hitoka remembers when Kiyoko had clasped her hand. She can even feel the softness of her skin until now. Her heart is throbbing. Not only in her chest, but she can also feel it in the back of her neck and even her fingers. She had liked a few boys before...but she never expected to fall for a girl. Was it admiration, crush or love? She doesn’t know for sure, but she knows one thing: she must confess the truth.  
  
Time does fly very fast. It’s as if it was only yesterday that she had become the manager of the volleyball club. All the victories and defeats, joy and sadness – that they faced together, are now fading away in the past. That is the sad truth.

In two days, the third years will graduate. That means Kiyoko will leave as well. No matter how Hitoka tries to look at it, there is still a heavy feeling deep in her heart. She doesn’t want her to leave. Kiyoko has been her anchor. From now on, she would have to leave the anchor and sail the boat and face every storm by herself, and it's unfair.

Kiyoko is closed and quiet in general. But Hitoka realises that she is pretty open only when she’s around her. It makes her feel happy and fuzzy inside. Sometimes she would hug her pillow and bury her face into it, making muffled sounds. That’s how happy she is.  
  
But will it be the same in the future?  
  
_06:32, two days prior._  
  
It was only the two of them left in the club room. They were cleaning and tidying the room. It wasn’t the first time, but Hitoka felt like exploding. It always seemed that Kiyoko spreads a strange aura every time she’s around Hitoka; making her feel like she’s floating in empty space.  
  
“Hitoka-chan, it’s dark. I’ll walk you home, alright?” Kiyoko said, smiling softly.  
  
“Huh? Oh, um, you don’t have to, really...it’s not that late...,” Hitoka let her shoulders shrug a little when she heard Kiyoko’s voice.  
  
“It’s okay.” Kiyoko, still smiling, putting her hand on Hitoka’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”  
  
They talked to each other on the way, sometimes Kiyoko would crack a joke and Hitoka would laugh. Oh, how she wished of the day they could forever walk home together with their hands holding each others’. She shook her head slightly. She knew that it only happens in her wildest fantasy.  
  
“You’re quiet today. Are you feeling okay?” once again Kiyoko burst her daydream, making her flinch a bit.  
  
“Ah, yes,” Hitoka grinned awkwardly.  
  
“If there’s anything I could do for you, please tell me.”  
  
“I sure will, Kiyoko-san.”  
  
“Well, we are here.”  
  
_What?_  
  
Hitoka was drowning to deep in her own thoughts that she didn’t realise they had arrived in her apartment. This has never happened before. Kiyoko has walked her home repeatedly, but never once Hitoka let her mind somewhere else. She was always conscious.  
  
_What_   _has_ _happened_ _to_ _me?_  
  
“Oh, that’s right. Thank you for walking me home!”  
  
“Not at all. See you.”  
  
_See_ _you?_  
  
_Will I ever hear those words from her ever again, considering that she’ll be leaving very soon?_ Hitoka’s mind started to speak. _She never actually said goodbye to me...all she ever said was ‘see you’..._  
  
“Kiyoko-san!” Hitoka exclaimed.  
  
Kiyoko stopped herself from walking and looked back.  
  
“I—I...” _I can’t do this. I can’t._  
  
“Something the matter, Hitoka-chan?”  
  
“No...nothing...um...good night!” it was dark, but Hitoka’s face was very red that she was sure it would be visible. She didn’t want Kiyoko to see her that way, so she ran inside the apartment without a second word.  
  
“Good night, Hitoka-chan.”  
  
_04:25, a day prior._  
  
Hitoka felt like crying. She bit her lip numerous times to stop herself from tearing up. It was the last practice match for the third years. Kiyoko herself looked somehow blue, a sight Hitoka has never seen before.  
  
_I can’t bear this. I can’t let all the unsaid feelings pile up inside me. I failed yesterday, and I won’t fail today. I’ll tell her, I promise, I promise. I won’t let myself lose to my nervousness._  
  
_Don’t cry, don’t cry, damn it, don’t cry. If you want to cry, this isn’t the right time._  
  
That day she left early, with an excuse of not feeling very well. When in truth, she arrived at home and cried as much as she could, not even saying anything to Kiyoko. She knew that she made a mistake, and she swore to herself that she won’t make the same mistake the next day.  
  
_03:12, the day._  
  
Everyone’s crying. Not to mention Hitoka. It is safe to say that it’s one the saddest, most emotional days she’s ever had. Sadness wells up inside her. But the worst thing isn’t the sadness; it is the regret.  
  
_She regrets not joining the club earlier._  
  
_She regrets not cherishing all the moments they’ve spent more._  
  
_She regrets not giving her all sometimes._  
  
_She regrets not exposing her true and sincere feelings to Kiyoko._  
  
But then again, she is glad that she doesn’t refuse being a manager.  
  
_She is glad that she had the chance to do this all._  
  
_She is glad that she still has time._

Regret and gratefulness come together every once in a while. They visit you hand-in-hand, forcing you to pick a side.  
  
“Now, then, Hitoka-chan, take care,” Kiyoko says in a small voice. Tears are spilling from her eyes. She still looks beautiful even in this state. “Won’t you? I...” she is unable to speak another word.  
  
“I will. I promise,” she sobs. “I promise.”  
  
“Farewell.”  
  
It is the first time she said that. She doesn’t say ‘goodbye’, but ‘farewell’ instead, which makes Hitoka even sadder. What does that supposed to mean? Will she ever see her again?  
  
_Now is my chance._  
  
“Kiyoko-san!”  
  
She stops for a while to wipe her tears, and looks back.  
  
“I...” _say it, say it! Say it, say it!_  
  
Kiyoko is holding her shoulders firmly before she knows it. Her hand slowly moves to Hitoka’s hair. “You’ll be fine.”  
  
“It’s...it’s not that,” she fidgets.  
  
“Then what is it?”  
  
“I...” Hitoka bites her lip hard. “I like you, Kiyoko-san! I...I really do...”  
  
_Oh._  
  
_I said it._  
  
She looks up. Kiyoko is blushing deeply, and her expression...Hitoka couldn’t read it. Then she chuckles.  
  
“I...I shouldn’t have said that, I’m so sorry!” she steps back. _This is so bad._  
  
“Then I like you too, Hitoka-chan, you know,” Kiyoko smiles. She walks forward, holding Hitoka’s face in her hands. “I’m being serious.”  
  
“Huh? But, I like you not in the way of just being friends, I mean...I...”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Really...uhh...”  
  
Kiyoko chuckles again. “Really.”  
  
Hitoka covers her face with her hands. “Kiyoko-san...I’m so happy I could cry all over again...”

"Me too." Her voice, soft and childlike, brings an ice-cold sensation down Hitoka's spine.

She couldn't respond. She has never expected things to go smoothly like this. But what happens, happens, and she is indeed very much so happy. Jubilation and ease fills her chest, lifting up every single anxiety and fretfulness.

"Hitoka-chan, promise me you'll be alright?" Kiyoko raises her pinky finger.

"I promise!" Hitoka wraps her pinky around Kiyoko's, a smile slowly paints her lips. She is unsure of what will happen in the future; she doesn't know if she'll be able to be in contact with Kiyoko afterwards; she has no idea if everything will be okay, but she knows one thing: all that matters is what is now.

It is a warm evening. Regret sighs and shakes its head, quietly creeping away from the girls.


End file.
